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[havent]

"Hi, this is Tsukishima Kei. I'm not here right now, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."



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TSUKISHIMA KEI
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(ロ-ロ ).｡oO( hmph )

[havent]

I want a lot of things.

[ he leans back against his chair as he eats his lunch. ]

But for today - I'll accept cake, or you can tell me your most terrible pun.

！！！Σミ(W//д//눈)❤❤❤

[uttertrash]

I guess that takes the cake. [ He couldn't resist— ]

But seriously, I got some rice crackers from the vending machine. We can stack them up and put some sugar and a candle on them, how about it~?

[ Lame ]

[havent]

.... you might burn them if you put a candle.

Let's just eat them as they are.

[ it is kinda lame. but there's something to be said about surviving doggy high so far, and - he's kind of proud of himself for not dying so far. ]

[uttertrash]

That’s fine, too. [ Mentally promising to get Tsukk a less lame present one of these days. But for now—

He whips out that sad little packet of rice crackers and places it on the table in front of the other. ]

Should I sing to you too? [ Why not make it a little more festive, right? ]

[havent]

You have to do nice things for your kouhai.

[ so yes, you should definitely sing. even if his eardrums will probably regret it.

it's a ridiculously pathetic scene, all things considered, but people have been nice to him all day and even if it's just rice crackers and a few happy birthdays here and there ... he'll take it. ]

[uttertrash]

Sure, but you have to promise to listen to everything, all right? [ You’re not allowed to run away or plug your ears, ok. Senpai’s trying to be nice here.

But Kuroo clears his throat and closes his eyes, dramatically slamming one foot onto the bench, before taking a deep breath; and he begins, in his deep baritone… ]

Young man…

[ GRIPPING HIM BY THE SHOULDER SO HE CAN’T ESCAPE— ]

There’s no need to feel down!

[uttertrash]

[ And with more feeling— ]

I said, YOUNG MAN! Pick yourself off the ground! I said, young man, ‘cause you’re in a new town!

[uttertrash]

[ nearly strangling him at this bit tbh ]

There’s no need to be unhappy!

[uttertrash]

[ Let him just beat his chest for good measure, while basically wringing Tsukk around by the neck as he gets really into character— ]

Young man, there’s a place you can go!
I said, young man, when you’re short on your dough! [ Shoving a cracker into Tsukk’s mouth nbd ]
You can stay there, and I’m sure you will find—
Many! Ways! To! Have! A! Good time!

[uttertrash]

[ r u redy 4 dis ]

this is not a joke tag [kuroo cruise]

[uttertrash]

IT’S FUN TO STAY AT THE YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-M-C-A!
IT’S FUN TO STAY AT THE YYYYYYYYYYYYYY! M! C! A!

[havent]

[ NO he takes as much of this embarrassing display as he can, before he becomes peripherally aware of how people must've been looking at kuroo. civility overcomes him; an urgent need to restore his public dignity, or what was left of it; he rises to - shove kuroo's chin upwards to shut him up. ]

Thank you, your enthusiasm is much appreciated.

[uttertrash]

[ At this point he’s kind of used to making a scene by now. Shit keeps happening to him regardless of whether or not he’s trying to stay out of trouble, anyway.

Plus it’s always fun to hear him sing in that heavily accented English, right… He grins, despite Tsukki shutting his jaw closed as far as it can be. ]

I haven’t even sung “Happy Birthday” yet…

[havent]

You've been. Very nice.

[ he's hoping that the hubbub around them will die soon enough, because in kei's hyper aware mind, people seem to be still looking at this first year tryna shut this roosterhead up.

he lets go of his face after a while, wipes his hand on the side, and then picks at his rice crackers so he can start eating them. ]

[uttertrash]

You mean my singing, right? [ Killjoy. He was only trying to be nice!!!

But Kuroo will just shrug and let that go. And may Tsukishima remember this important lesson regarding taking up Kuroo’s terrible, terrible offers. ]

[havent]

[ he will conveniently forget them if he needs a laugh or two.7

EVEN SO. lack of talent isn't something to be happy about, kuroo-san. ]

You certainly have the ... [ what is the least offensive thing he can say to his face ] enthusiasm for it.

Thank you for the birthday present. [ presents? who knows. ]

[uttertrash]

[ Wh— Who are you calling talentless!!!!! ]

You're welcome. Just so you know, I take requests too.

[ At least Tsukk seems cheered up. That's the important thing… ]

[havent]

[ well it sure as hell isn't me!!!! tsk tsk

he starts to drink the juice box kuroo left for him. this feels like the kind of snack one gets in kindergarten, or something. ]

I'll keep that in mind. I'm sure I can recommend you to a couple of people so you'll have some steady gigs in this school.

[ maybe iwaizumi needs a private singer. maybe kageyama can use some background music while he's going on his friend dates or something. ]

[uttertrash]

[ He could never seem to get the kind of shit he wants from the vending machine anyway, so this is the next best thing.

Besides, it isn’t half as sour as Tsukk could be!!! ]

Appointing yourself as my agent already? That’s an interesting career choice.

[havent]

Someone has to keep an eye on you.

[ sips juice. ]

[uttertrash]

Do I really need that much supervision? [ Mock sigh. ]

I already said I wouldn't climb the tree again, y'know.

[havent]

[ he rolls his eyes. it has nothing to do with trees, though he's free to insist on that. it has everything to do with the fact that kuroo always talks like the other 2nd- and 3rd-years where their well-being is concerned, and he's finding that he's quickly getting tired of it ... but now isn't the time to bring it up.

so all he says is, ]

I noticed you finally received toiletries. Congratulations.

[uttertrash]

[ Then maybe Tsukishima should consider speaking up about that attitude—as it stands, his senpais would go out of their way to make light of things, like the fake toughasses that they are. (Except for Iwaizumi, granted.) ]

Noticed, huh? Did the shampoo tip you off or was it because you could breathe easier?

[havent]

[ oh, that lecture will come soon enough - none of the third years are immune to being pretend-adults, and even iwaizumi was a victim of that mentality. just not on his birthday. ]

I'll remind you that you occaisonally talk to rather cute girls.

Please have mercy on them. Use your toiletries liberally. [ ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU HANG OUT WITH KAORICHAN!!!!! ]

[uttertrash]

[ Yes, but zoomy could actually kick ass…

Unless u were in2 it anyway ]

It can't be that bad, can it? [ Casually sniffing his armpits—yeah ok nvm ]

Anyway, they can't help being cute. Are you gonna try and take them off my hands?